had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
