I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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