yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
