omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
