I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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