i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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