Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
