It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
