If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
