alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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