Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
