Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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