You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The air was thick with penises
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
