I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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