why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
