yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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