dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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