And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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