If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
