that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
