have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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