"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
