I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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