u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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