Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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