There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
