are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
