only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
