So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
