You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
