am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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