I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
