Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
