someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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