I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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