from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
