Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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