if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
