she looked like the bat from fern gully.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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