it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In other news, I just burned my penis
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
