I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Mom said you looked used
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
