Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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