I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
