so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
