Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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