drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
