she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
