I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
