nut hugger
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
