This is not my ceiling
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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