I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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